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Always take your marriage straight up. It's never quite as good when it's on the rocks.
Or is it? If you're Jon and Kate from the television show "Jon and Kate Plus 8," watching your love life reduced to shambles in front of millions of viewers has its perks. You get better ratings. You get a contract renewal. You get a prime time television slot. You get more money and millions of adoring, if not sycophantic fans. And because you're no longer committed to each other emotionally, you get to fuck around a lot more with other, more exciting and much younger people.
It sounds glamorous, but let's get serious. The situation those two find themselves in cannot possibly be the destinies they figured they would have as adults. Nobody traverses the wonder years thinking, "You know, when I grow up I'm going to marry a bitch, have a large synthetic family, hair plugs and my own reality show." And to be fair to the ladies, Kate would never have had a "Eureka!" moment that went like this: "You know, when I grow up I'm going to marry a philandering dillhole, have a large synthetic family, a schizophrenic hairstyle that inspires millions, and my own reality show."
The fact is these two should have sought counseling on set long ago, as do the fake Jon and fake Kate in the Devil's Film release "Jon and Kate Fuck Eight." Another in an ever-lengthening line of adult-themed television spoofs, JAKFE takes a look at one alternate reality in the life of Jon and Kate, surmising what would happen if the two actively sought out professional advice in regards to their love lives.
The first scene finds them in the therapist's office sniping at each other like an immature schoolgirl and boy. That's when the good doctor (Evie Delatosso) suggests a radical kind of therapy. The two are to go out and indiscriminately fuck other people. Only then will they see that what they have is worth saving. Evie requests a moment alone with Jon and makes her move. It's hands-on and mouth-on therapy that oddly enough doesn't go much higher than his crotch. She unbuttons his jeans and goes down on his hardening cock. She slips out of her blouse and bra revealing a pair of nice big natural boobs, and continues to work on his cock until she dispenses the rest of her duds, riding him in RCG right on the therapist's couch. This is one fantasy where a couch is fully justified. She flips over on her back, taking every inch of his ramrod as Jon's anger melts away like the cheese on the burgers he appears to have been eating lately. After some decent doggie, she is suddenly on her knees paying homage to his needy noodle. She rides him in CG, giving you a great view of her round, bouncy ass lurching violently up and down. It's followed by a little 69 and the excellent climax that goes like this: Jon is lying face up on the couch and she is on all fours, caressing his cock gently with two hands as she sucks, her tits hanging delightfully off her chest. Her head bobs ever so slightly up and down as she sucks and strokes until the moment of truth when he shoots his creamy wad straight into her mouth. It's a great ending to a pretty solid scene.
Meanwhile, Kate (Riley Evans) is back on set slicing up vegetables and stewing about the fact that her therapist's decree means Jon is already busting a nut with some floozies somewhere while she is stuck at home with little time to find some action, what with her book tour and all (a constant running gag throughout). Her complaints don't fall on deaf ears. A nearby production assistant hears her cries and suggests that she would get more sex if she weren't such a bitch. (The woman has a knife, son; watch it.) She puts down the cutting implement and shows him bitch, yanking down his Hawaiian shorts and riddling his curved cock with tongue lashes. Then, with one leg on the floor and one on the counter top, she takes him from behind. With no large flat surfaces, minus the floor, on which to fuck and no room for a couch, the PA does his job admirably, grabbing the next best thing: a tiger striped ottoman? Okay, maybe it's the next to the next best thing. Regardless, it's bad feng shui, but good riding as she humps him in RCG and CG, taking a moment in between to vacuum seal his dick with her mouth. He pokes her from the side and, with her leg straight in the air, you can see that her "no time to fuck" excuse falls flat because she obviously has time for an all-over tan. Riley's 34D tits are stunners (as is she), and the PA cums all over them to conclude this scene.
The next two scenes involve threeways. The first involves Jon and two of Kate's friends, whom he meets at a bar. It's a decent romp involving stripper poles, Amy Starz and her cute small tits, constant insults toward Kate, and a great view of Starz' ass grinding on Jon's cock with some snowballing of cum at the end between Starz and tatted up co-star Frankie Young. Starz is always charming in a very young and naïve way on set. Like the bottom half of a cigarette, she tends to have no filter, causing her to blurt out whatever happens to be on her mind. But, it's fun to hear.
The other threeway involves Kate and it's the one you want to see, as Riley has never looked better. Her tanned body, squeezable tits, perfect pussy and blonde hair are so hot in this one you may need more than a couple viewings to make it through before blowing your load. Riley is up for just about anything in her films and she certainly shows her wide range here, taking both her partners anally, including a great penetration shot and assfucking in mish, an ATM, and a cream pie at the very end. The camera angles do her great justice in this one too, giving you excellent angles as she tames the two cocks, especially the one of her getting spoon fucked by one guy while the other jabs her throat with his dick. Do not miss this one.
There is one more scene, but it is a surprise and this reviewer won't be party to spoilage here. You'll just have to watch to see if the intense therapy sessions provided enough impetus for the two quarrelsome lovers to reconcile their differences.
JAKFE is worth the price of admission. Among the nice variety of sexual scenarios there are some well-done and subtle (yet not so subtle) jabs at the actual reality show and the characters. There are pot shots at Jon's joblessness and how he never leaves the house, plus Kate's constant mentions of a book tour, fretting about her hair, an insistence that she doesn't have time for fucking even though she is always on the verge, and other insinuations of how vapid the characters and the show have become from its respectable beginnings. If for no other reason, check out Riley at her best and most alluring. And if you find you just can't turn away from her resplendence, just remember that it's never too early to seek professional help.