The Secretary: FrenchFavorites [+]
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In The Secretary by Marc Dorcel Pictures, a plethora of tight-bodied typing pool twats tries to finagle their way to the top of their professions. Or are they? At the beginning of the film, some unknown peeping Tom or peeping Joan is camped out in the bushes taking risqu´ photographs of his or her boss (Bruno S X) getting it on with the beautiful blonde Carla Cox and one other guy (Ian Scott). If extortion is the game, that voyeur came to the right place. The shutter clicks on a wide assortment of vaginal, anal, threeway and DP action that is sure to garner a hefty raise or promotion of some kind.
The question becomes: who took the shots and why is he or she so angry at the extort-ees? It's a great question and one that we really can't answer, despite having seen the movie. No, we're not trying to be assholes. It's just that the whole movie is in French and our bosses won't splurge for Rosetta Stone. So, we're left to wonder. Are they mad about possible layoffs? A white flag shortage? Or, is it the fact that CSI: Punta Gorda was just cancelled and Ben & Jerry's has gone too corporate? Being in an office setting, it may just be the copier is jammed and they're all out of toner. We don't really know.
The Secretary is, however, a great social experiment for English-speaking natives. Why? People always say they don't care for dialogue or back story, that they watch porn for the fucking. That may be true, but people also complain about sports announcers on television, yet when they go to a live event, they've got ear buds crammed into their skulls listening to whatever the broadcasters are saying. The point is this: will you miss the banter when it's not there or if you can't understand it?
Well, that's an individual crisis that can't be answered with a blanket response, but we think the hotness of the women in this film will make you forget all about the plot — whatever it is. Just take a look at the second scene. The timid guy (Titof) at the office (we know this because of the caption at the bottom of the screen when he is introduced) has a fantasy about getting it on with two of the secretaries, Tarra White and the sublime Bijou. For a timid creature, his fantasies are certainly very explicit including some titty-fucking, threeway, pussy eating and anal fucking. There are some nice face-sitting shots worked in and a nice view of dude's tongue dancing across Tarra's folds. There are also some well-timed slo-motion shots of Bijou's lovely tits bouncing around while she rides cock. A cumshot on their bespectacled faces concludes the excellent scene.
Another threesome between Carla and the same two guys transpires in the next scene. You'll see many of the same positions as before, and once again there are shots being snapped from outside. While you won't want to see some old man fucking some young chick a second time, you'll want to see the two cumshots that Carla takes on her ass. Droplets of ooze run down her ass crack and pool right in her bum star as she hunkers down on all fours, ass facing directly at the camera lens.
Judging by the urgency displayed on the boss's face after this scene, we're guessing he is now aware that someone has it out for him. He begins to get defensive with everyone, asking if he or she knows how the illicit pictures of his private life managed to slip through the mail undetected, let alone escape from the minimum wage employee at the Fotomat, without raising any suspicion. From this point on, everyone is on notice, every move scrutinized to a ridiculous degree. You'll definitely be scrutinizing Bijou and Tarra when they engage in a lesbian fling on the boss's makeshift putting green. Bijou fingers Tarra while lapping up her clit, which has reached near fossilized levels of hardness. Bijou has some astounding tits as you'll see when she sits on the desk and Tarra plants her face in her soft cooch. When the film goes split screen, it's double the breastage, the sight of which will make your head explode!
Carla is then seen taking on a couple of grunts down at the warehouse (Michael Cheritto and Tony Corleone) in another threeway. The gorgeous Eliska Cross, the one keeping her head down all this time, gets the office Casanova's (Mike Angelo) head up, fucking him and taking a drippy load onto her lovely tits.
Finalizing the film is a narration and a film montage that seems to recap the action. We see a woman, who we presume is the boss's wife, slapping the two-timer (maybe three-timer in this case) across the chops and storming out of his office. Sitting in a chair is Eliska, who turns to the camera and gives us all a wink. In America, that would indicate guilt. In France, that could be a sign of constipation. Who knows?
The Secretary is proof that you don't need to know what's going on at all to enjoy watching well-proportioned and naturally endowed women ride the rocket. Now, that's saying something! What, we're not exactly sure, on account of it was all in French.